If your answer is no, then you're an absolute liar.
The reason I haven't written anything in the past few weeks is because I haven't had the words. I've crossed my entire range of emotion multiple times in less than a month. That is not surprising. What is surprising is that when I've crossed them, it has been in less than an hour, well, in most cases at least. Some feelings last longer than others.
I'm feeling crazy and strung out.
I'm excited to move, but recent events make me feel reluctant and nervous. I don't want to leave people I love and care about, I don't want to abandon prospective relationships and lucrative opportunities. Lucrative opportunity is for once at the bottom of my priorities which indicates to me that my personality is shifting in a time of duress. The duress is indefinite and I'm incapable of describing it.
Maybe I'm just paranoid.
Anger.
It's present in all it's magnificence and terror. It is also indefinite.
Short statements, continually punctuated and indicative of my mental voice speaking it's opinion.
I'm back at home. I need to get away from doing one post a month and get closer to doing one post a week.
I made $300 bucks on a photoshoot a week and a half ago and that marked the beginning of a stellar time.
Bobby, Austin and I went on a road trip last week, I must say it was pretty intense. We went from Palmetto to Daytona, Gainesville, Tallahassee, Atlanta (as well as GA country) then up to Charlotte and Boone, NC. All of the stops were essentially awesome. The stress, frustration, irritation, and agitation along the way was all part of the fun; such things allowed the creation of quotes such as "Shut Up, Shut Up, Just shut the fuck up!" (me) "Guys, I have a confession to make... I don't have any idea where we are" (Austin in b.f.e. GA) "I love Deathcab, now let me touch your titties" (Sketch-ass Stephen before our free Death Cab concert) and many others. I don't even know where to start with the stories. Bobby fell down a set of river rapids and almost died, Austin lit a ridiculous amount of firecrackers while we drove, in Paul's house, in parking lots and God knows where else. We scalped $110 worth of tickets at a concert and got in for free. I did 30+mph on my longboard down a massive hill in Atlanta, then almost got run over by Austin who was driving next to me in the car. Ah, I can't forget the ridiculous amount of scratch-off tickets we bought. Surprisingly we came out ahead when all was said and done. Austin broke a pool stick on his ribs. Bobby's grandmother talked about titty-tassles. We endured an endless tour around Tallahassee from Bobby's awesome grandfather. It was a good tour, we were just exhausted. At one point while driving, Bobby said "Grandpa, I think they passed out" and Austin texted me "I'm not sleeping, just contemplating my suicide."
I really love North Carolina. Paul's house was great, the weather and city were great as well. With the exception of lacking a decent place to sleep, I wouldn't have changed much about the house.
The end of the trip was a bit rough though, when we realized all of the schoolwork that we had put off, and that my mother was going to swallow each of our souls for not being back to Atlanta on time. Austin and I ended up staying an extra day and riding home with my Mother. Slight mistake, but it gave way to great pictures in the factory of creepy-ass babydolls A.K.A. American Girl.
I really need to get back on top of life, I'm lulling in my anticipation of moving away, graduation, and everything associated.
There are more to come, specifically of Carl and Matt on Friday night. All in all I had a decent weekend. Hanging out at James' house is always an adventure, especially with two of your best friends. Good inside jokes, epic video game battles, the works. Staying at Carl's on a Friday night is always a hellishly frightening experience [his house is haunted] only to wake up and attend an even more frightening day of a fashion show directed entirely by volunteer, middle-aged women. I would've rather taken my chances in the Sahara for a week. If it weren't for my Mother, then it would not have been at all. In any aspect. Due to lack of sleep I went home and crashed for about five hours, only to be roused by several missed calls and angry texts from Sydney, my mother, and Bobby. In summation, they said "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, MAN?!" I jumped up and headed over to Bob's for a night of dramatic fun. Saturday night was excellent with the exception of the fact that my girlfriend decided to leave me. Her act of impulse was somewhat enlightening. In spite of my undesirable "single" status Sunday was another amazing day with close friends. Bobby specifically, as well as Leah, Erin, and eventually Carl.
I'm pretty sure you've stopped reading by now, and if you haven't that's awesome because now you're privy to some juicy stuff.
Shannon and I are not apart because she wants to be, we're apart because of me. I think it is the best decision to stay broken-up. Reasons being, if she can't stand me being away 3 to 5 days out of the week presently, how are things going to be when I move to Tallahassee and will be gone for months at a time. Things won't be pretty, and if we don't make the right decision now it will be that much worse in the end. I do not believe she and I would make it and the road to breakup once I move away would be that much more stressful and difficult on both sides.
I'm trying diligently to make the mature decision and better both of us in the long run. The worst part is I don't dislike Shannon in the least bit. She is a great girlfriend for all intensive purposes, and if I were to stick around things would most likely be dandy. But I am not; therefore, things will be pretty much awful.
Sometimes things are just a raw deal from the start.
ironically, the events of the past few weeks are the type that usually propel me to write. I guess I've simply let things brew. A friend of mine shot himself last week, at first I didn't take it too hard. It bothered me how Carl and I had been talking about how we had not seen him in months and that in his absence we missed his antics. We casually joked about "I wonder if he's dead, I sure hope not" etcetera, no less than a week later I notice Jeremy, his brother, posted a prayer for his brother as his facebook status. Through my six years of knowing Andrew and part of his family, specifically Jeremy on casual terms, I knew that this post was not made in leisure.
No less than three days later I find myself alongside Carl, Bobby, Matt, Jacob, Aaron and the rest of our middle-school group in Klichter Fueneral Home at Andrew's viewing. Unbeknownst to most of us, Andrew had been away and dealing with severe depression, drug issues to an extent, and an array of other issues. In public I usually try to appear pretty bullet-proof and I'm not one to cry, but the weight of the day seemed to have gotten the best of me. Specifically when I saw Jeremy and when Andrew's parents took the podium to speak in memory of their son. It upsets me to think about it now.
The image of that Saturday has really been bothering me ever since. My dreams have been odd, I dreamt of my maternal grandmother last night which hasn't happened in months. The summation of her dream was some kind of fictitious justification of her abrupt passing, supposedly she'd faked it to avoid financial hardship? Dreams aren't made to make sense I suppose.
Other things have been going on as well. Relationship difficulties due to differing agendas and my general indifference. A bad experience on St. Patrick's day with a close friend of mine, the kind that knocks down one's expectations of other people.
There are other things to write about, but none of the remaining negative is substantial enough to mention or I'd simply rather not.
On with the positive. I've taken a lot of photos over the past two weeks, some better than others. I had the privilege of shooting Alli Lopez's wedding with professional glass, thanks to a very amiable photographer Britt. His work can be found a www.brittusa.com. I also ventured up to St. Petersburg today with Logan, Katherine, and Taylor. It was pretty much awesome and served it's complete function, which was equally as great. The trip began with Taylor calling me about her bad two weeks saying she wanted to get out of town, I almost automatically agreed and Katherine and Logan were dragged in somewhere. We went to Tyrone Square, which in my opinion barely stands above DeSoto, if you're from Bradenton then you know exactly what I mean. On the way up I made a stop-motion, but I stopped shooting when I got tired of holding my camera, which was a bummer because the video actually turned out great.
Dasvidania.
P.S.
These are a few of many, to post them all seems like it would be too much.
I braved that massive event after being awake for more than 32 hours.
Im procrastinating on a Sociology assignment.
I want these:
I got a longboard earlier this week and it's pretty sick. I'll get some pics up eventually.
Nothing all that in depth to write about. The photos do a lot of my talking for me. I found a new cool DJ called "Pretty Lights" He looks kinda douchey as a person, but makes good music.
I'm tired, but not really. It's weird, I feel like I'm stuck in limbo, purgatory or something. I'd like to sleep, but know I couldn't if I tried.
force inspiration. One can possess all the creativity in the world, but creativity without inspiration is like an engine without fuel.
I guess I'm out of fuel.
I did some mellow shots today.
I wonder what the general population of Parrish thought when they witnessed some hippie kid walking around in barbed wire and bushes with a industrial sized camera in his hand.
"The queer-o-sexuals are invading!"
I have another Ringling shoot this Wednesday; I'm stoked.
About the inspiration thing, since Saturday I haven't been able to mix any music. I'm just not satisfied with what's being produced. I think I need to venture back to basics.
...to be continued. (12:27am 02/24/09)
...continued (12:34am 02/24/09)
I've got it.
Citing Spaced, season two: episode two.
I really am turning into Brian. You would have to watch the series to understand, but basically Brian is the starving modern artist of the flat.
Here, watch from 1:43 until the end of the scene. You'll get it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTNzoov1MVg
to Oddity tattoos last night. Awesome shop. Awesome Artists. Best tattoo shop in all of Sarasota, in my opinion.
As it turns out, I'm going to be a Seminole. The suspense is over, well, at least for my Mother. She's more excited than anybody, which is awesome. I've got most of my Summer fees paid and literally all I have to do is pass this semester at MCC. That's kind of a bitch though, because my Philosophy Professor is too Philosophical to give dates for anything. It makes the class like a game of academic russian roulette.
Hybrid Moments by The Misfits themed my day. Go listen.
This blows harder than TicketMaster. I've got some kind of sore-throat-headcold.
If I try to walk around I'm all dizzy, and when I swallow it feels like my esophagus is made out of concrete and sandpaper. I've slept for about 48 hours. I woke up about an hour ago and can't seem to get back to sleep.
I've been listening to the White Town single "Your Woman" for several hours. It never gets old.
During one of my television induced Insomnia episodes this week, I found inspiration.
I've wanted a "chest-piece" tattoo since I was younger, and I finally found what can go right at the crest.
Drinky Crow, from the Drinky Crow show.
You'd have to watch it to understand.
Point being: I find it perfect in the most meaningless of ways. But, the symbolic nature of my tattoo does not necessarily have to reside in the uppermost portion. I was thinking that it could be Autumn themed and that would bear the most apparent symbolism.
Tickets (Streetlight Manifesto) Advance tickets US $15.00 x 1 Total Building Facility Charge(s) US $1.00 x 1 Total Convenience Charge(s)
US $5.20 x 1
Order Processing Charge(s) US $4.25 Will Call
No Charge
TOTAL CHARGES US $25.45 <--- WTF ?
15 dollar ticket becomes 25.45
Do they want me to light the candles on their menorah too?
Still stoked on the show though. Still no work.
About to get along with some online Sociology. I listened to an hour of "This American Life" as a part of an assignment. It's a public radio show out of Chicago. Pretty interesting stuff, although the theme was a little cliche.
I need to score this Kallins-Delgado scholarship, it'll be a nice little bonus for me.
Logan and I are going to see his uncle Kirk before the show, so that should be pretty cool. He's an extremely talented musician and seems like he'll be a pretty interesting guy. He lives literally three blocks away from the State Theater, and I think he might be coming to the show too.
I need to beat Metal Gear.
I need to work.
It's been week since I've worked. There's supposedly another freeze on the way so it may be a while before things kick back up.
relatively obsessed lately with turning my digital shots into pseudo-holgaroids. I've done it so much that I've almost jaded myself.
I would simply buy a Holga, but I know the second I showed up at Wolf or CVS to get the shots developed I would be complaining about the money I was spending for prints, etc.
